Today's time with God was extremely fruitful. I began using the Life Journal daily bible reading plan (read the bible in a year). I was very skeptical to begin journaling, partly because I felt that using the bible as a "self-help" book was not appropriate and also because stopping my reading to have to write down stuff seemmed like an unwelcome interruption to my plan, as if my plan was what mattered, ha! Come to find out (from a wise friend) that God could repair all the cracks in my crack-pot so that He could use me further, that is why we should spend this time with Him. Ok, so this was a wonderful way to look at it, I hate to do anything for myself (ladies, you can relate), but doing it so I can be of service?!? Great! I began with Mt. chapt 18. In this chapter I read about how Jesus feels about children, how we are to humble ourselves like them and realize our need of Him, and about forgiveness. I was asked to stop reading and start writing the first time I felt convicted by a scripture. So, I came across the verses about how what we allow on earth is allowed in heaven and what we don't allow on earth is not allowed in heaven, also that we must forgive 7 times 70 times.
I had always, always been confused about this concept of what is allow on earth is allowed in heaven... I mean, every time I've ever read that one it's been such a bizarre and seemingly "misplaced" verse - always confused me. Today I took time to pray about it, though, a crucial part of any bible study! As I did God revealed to me what it means, you know how He does that - like He turns a light bulb on inside you somewhere and you say "ooooohhhhhhh, NOW I get it!!!" you know? What an awesome feeling to know that He is there with me in "our" time together, helping me to understand His word like that. This scripture means that we have the choice to forgive or not and that heaven will allow our choices, that our free will is in place and that consequences come with those choices (however, if anyone reading this feels I need correction, I welcome your comments). In other words, heaven won't stop us from forgiving or not forgiving. I used to think that this verse meant that we are in control, I come from another denomination (religious) and this is what I was taught there - that the "priests" are the ones who have the control to forgive or not to forgive. I don't believe that priests hold the magic wand of forgiveness but then, who does??? But then, this isn't what this scripture means.
Another thing I was convicted of is forgiveness of other people and treating others with grace. I'd like to think of myself as a forgiving person. I mean, don't we all want to just blindly be able to think of ourselves as "good people"? I love being blissfully unaware of my shortcomings, makes life so much easier. I see now that I have such a long way to go, but again, all I have to do is pray to God to change me in this area. Already my husband and I came across a situation today that I usually would have treated him pretty rotten over, sometimes I have trouble seeing other's points of view on situations. I get mad and don't treat others with grace. Well, today's situation ended with my husband saying how proud he was of me, that I handled it so well - he was pretty amazed at my reaction. I said "what's so different?", I sincerely didn't know what I had done differently. He said that I would have freaked out and thrown a tantrum before (he is right, I would have). Anyway, God will handle your weaknesses and glorify Himself through you if you allow Him to. I am so happy about that part, to be able to glorify Him with even the smallest of situations, what a wonderful thing!
One more thing (I told you it was fruitful). Up until now I thought we were supposed to think of ourselves as worthless, trash, "dust" as the bible says. Well, yes, we are dust, that is true. But again, I was taking that out of context. As I prayed about that the picture God showed me was Jesus on the cross. Would He have died for so much trash, refuse, crud? No way! He paid the ultimate price and it wasn't for nothing - He thinks I am worth His torture and death, wow! Well, our works are as "filthy rags", as the bible says. But - if I am doing something as an act of worship of God, in truth and Spirit, then that comes from Him - originates from Him. It is done from Him, through me, and goes back to Him as an offering. Therefore those works, done in Spirit and truth, are not as filthy rags, they are His works, and therefore not worthless. So, if He thinks I am worthy to die for and that I am useful for His works, then I am a very special and gifted person indeed! I think where we get into trouble is thinking that we can do good things apart from Him. God, please continue to grow and change me that I can be of good service to You, please help me to surrender each and every moment, to remember that I need you as a little child, that I must strive to treat others with the same grace you have given me. In Jesus name!
